Every morning at the moment feels like I am on a new tv programme which is testing my mental strength. Having SUCH a contrary child takes every single ounce of energy and patience out of me, to get me through the morning without bashing my head against a wall. I age 100 years every morning and feel my sanity slowing dying a death, as I watch the clock tick, with school run getting closer and closer. Mrs Frog (my challenging 3 year old) will have not eaten her shreddies ‘cos she now wants coco pops, is still in her pyjamas because she won’t put her nursery clothes on and wants to wear her Elsa dress, and we are not even near shoes, teeth or me of course getting ready, because she is screaming to watch f-ing Benpolly (‘Ben and Holly’) on my phone. Even if I give her the damm thing to divert an inevitable meltdown, I may completley ‘fu** it all up’ by pressing play on the screen (which of course she wants to do) and the mother of all explosions will take place. Why would I be such a mean mother to press play! Honestly- when will I learn! It is therefore NOT unusual to see me on the school run with my three year old still in her pyjamas and me looking like a broken, terrified mess humming Taio Cruz’s ‘Keep Going’ or Journey’s ‘Don’t stop believing.’

This consistently contrary, infuriating, strong willed behaviour means that there is of course no time for me to get dressed or look half respectable. This morning’s attire consisted of old tracksuilt bottoms, odd socks, old worn down grey converse trainers with laces undone, random navy top with black cardy (massive ‘no no’) with yoghurt stains on from a previous battle, my old parka coat with chewing gum stuck to it, (because my pink fluffy coat which the kids call the ‘candy floss number’ was finally taken to the dry cleaners after friends suggested it needed a clean- awks.) The hair was scragged back in usual pineapple style whilst I carried babywipes, for the three years old’s face which had chocolate down it, as I’d had to bribe her to leave the house, and a hairbrush (as her hair has not been brushed for 3 day and also has a yogurt in it,) along with a toothbrush as there was not a hope in hell of getting it in her mouth, as she appears to have ‘mint’ phobia (although doesn’t seem to mind mint aeros though??)

Whilst walking along with these things, I carried a frozen satchel over my shoulder with nappies in for the nursery, because my three nearly half year old still refuses to be potty trained. People keep telling me that ‘she will soon be embarrassed about wearing nappies with her peers’ but quite frankly she loves her nappy and doesn’t give a sh** that she is in them and dosesn’t give a hoot what anyone else thinks. (Supernanny HELP???)

We walked to school singing ‘I whip my hair back and forth’ a new dance song from my 7 year olds street dance class (very appropriate??) and my youngest, out of the blue, belted out ‘Mary had a baby, ohhh lord…???) I had no idea she knew this song but good to know something is going in in nursery.

Anyway despite the Krypton Factor test every morning and myself looking like a cross between Waynetta slob/ and the local tramp lady, I made it to school on time, didn’t get a late note and trotted off down the street with the Frozen bag still on my shoulder, and went and had a hot choc with my lovely crazy mums at my kid’s school who keep me sane, and of course ate a piece of ‘rocky road’ (because I bloody well needed it and have given up on my Britney stomach.) BOOM I SURVIVED. Just.
This picture was taken a few weeks ago before the fluffy coat had been dry cleaned, while I was wearing a my 7 year old’s hat whilst carrying a toothbrush. STANDARD.



Cracking the Nut…..

Just when you’re feeling like life is getting on top of you……. The kids have pushed you to your limits with demands, incessant questions and their ability to listen to anything you say has reached zero, so you’ve sent them off with their father to a kid’s party as you can’t muster up the energy to get dressed and would rather stay at home to do the housework!! Then all you see are piles of washing, clothes horses everywhere, stacks of dirty dishes with left over baked beans stuck to their plates, bloody god forsaken toys all over the lounge, especially ‘Shopkins’ (the most minute, overpriced pieces of plastic known to man), Weetabix is trotten into the kitchen floor and there is damn glitter everywhere from a desperate arts & crafts session with the mad three year old, so you give up and go on facebook. You then receive a ridiculous call from your partner saying he is locked in the toilet at the kid’s party because the handle has broken (FFS!!!) and whilst this is all going on you notice an email from Mumsnet to inviting you to go and watch the ‘Nutcracker on Ice’ the following night at the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park performed by the Imperial Ice Stars FOR FREE, with your child! You will be also entitled to a FREE DRINK (yes free, and they say nothing in life is free) and all you have to do is write about it. Boom – Yes please….. Whine or wine is out of her sabbatical!!

So in usual, chaotic style, I change Monday’s plans, rush around like a mad woman the next day, cancel the 7 years old’s hair cut, arranage for Mrs Frog (the aforementioned, mad 3 year old) to be looked after (as there’s no fricking way she was coming to Hyde park at 6.30pm on a Monday to watch the Nutcracker). She is one nut I need to crack but not on this occasion!!


So, 24 hours later, off I went into town with Mrs Bean (my 7 year old) and her best mate (Mumsnet very kindly allowed my daughter to bring a friend). We headed for Winter Wonderland to the magnificant new indoor venue – The Winter Palace Theatre. I was a little over exited to see a fellow blogger ‘Megan’ who writes a far superior blog to my own called, ‘Truly madly kids.’ We had met at a previous Mumset event where we toured Wembly Stadium & she was also there with her kids. We share an equal love of wine, prosecco and gossiping. So, we got our free drink (proseck obviously) and I treated the girls to a Sprite in a prosecco glass. We took our seats and whilst I wittered to Megan, low and behold, I spot a celeb…….. The one and only SAFE HANDS David Seaman, not sporting his old trademark pony tail as he did during the 90’s (disappointing). I squawked with excitment explaining to the girls who he was (making me feel ancient), the prosecco kicked in and the show started. I realised, as we watched that I couldn’t quite remember the story of The Nutcracker properly so I kept having to whisper to Mrs Bean for updates, who seemed to know the story from the ‘Ella Bella’ books we used to read when she was little.

It is a fantastic first ballet on ice for kids to see though I would suggest they have a vague idea of the story before, just because there is no dialogue. It follows the story on a frozen ice stage of a toy nutcracker coming to life on Christmas eve and sweeping a young girl (Clara) into a magical world of danger and excitment. Obviously whilst watching I got the usual ‘figure envy’ of all the beautiful ice dancers (and had a word with myself about trying that little bit harder in my next fitness session and to try to resist chocolate for maybe one day to try and achieve toned legs like they had!? easier said than done!)

Mrs bean and myself sporting a very strange hair style which shall not be repeated again!!

Mrs bean and myself sporting a very strange hair style which shall not be repeated again!!

The show is an hour long so perfect for kids aged 5 and above I would say. We were all mesmerised by the amazing outfits and the phenominal skating. It is a fast, exciting show, with fake snow in places, lighting which reflects the storyline and a spectacular flying sequence which had the girls open mouthed in awe. I particularly loved the Mouse King and his Mouse Queen who danced effortlessly, brilliantly & aggressively around the rink with their army of mice. They looked so comfortable and natural but acted out their parts amazingly whilst perfoming various jumps and twists (not quite sure of the techincal terms?) The music is dramatic adding to the suspence of the story and of course the kids loved it when the famous, ‘Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies’ came on. The skating was top class all round and the finale made my nerves on edge (similar to that feeling of awaiting for a toddler meltdown but in a good way this time as there was no toddler there) as the dancers completed more complicated jumps, and you sighed with relief when they landed safely. They all landed with grace and finesse and the show finished with raptous applause from us, a few ‘whoops’ and a ‘clap off’ orchestatred by the Mouse king himself. The girl who was Clara was a truly magnificant skater who I swear looked about 12 but clearly was older and had perhaps not had kids yet so was not sporting any pot belly or bags under her eyes. I cannot begin to imagine how much work goes into a show like this and the amount of rehearsing. The choriography was phenomenal and I sat there picturing in my head, my own ice saking last year at Westfield where I wobbled around the rink desperately trying to not fall over and get my fingers chooped off!! Ummmmmmm, a little more work to be done before I make it to the Nutcracker!!


Of course at the end, keen not to miss a pic with the ex England goal keeper we trotted over to ‘Safe Hands’ himself for a chat and obvs a pic (I realised at this point when I called him ‘SAFE HANDS’ to his face, that maybe this wasn’t a well known name, but a name myself and my mates had make up for him when we watched ‘Euro 96’ and kissed the tele every time he made a save, as a riutal in our bid to win the tournament. Clearly this did not work.) Thought it best NOT to mention England’s quarter-final during the World Cup in 2002, against Brazil where he was caught off his line by Ronaldinho’s free kick, which lost us the game. He was extremely friendly and was there with his fiance, Frankie from Dancing on Ice and lots of other dancers from the show. I also embarassingly told him that I had met him before many years ago at a corporate golf day and had a signed t-shirt from him (God, how cringe am I!!!) He was super nice but obvs didn’t have a clue who I was or any memory of it….sob sob…


We then hit winter wonderland for a bit with the kids, obviously the usual, no cash, desperate for the toilets (as kids do…no warning just ‘I’M DESPERATE’) and all hungry despite having had dinner. They all went on a fun ride, got some chips and we headed home. Little bit late for a Monday but well worth it and a huge thank you to Mumsnet for a fab, fun, prosecco,’cracking’ night at the Nutcracker on Ice! Book it up for your kids for some culture and awesome ice skating. You never know you may get David Beckham there next time instead of David Seaman!!

SEE Nutcracker on Ice here:

Performances daily at 14:00, 16:00, 17:30 and 19:00. There will also be performances at 12:00 and 20:30 on selected days



“I am a member of the Mumsnet Bloggers Panel, a group of parent bloggers who have volunteered to review products, services, events and brands for Mumsnet. I have not paid for the product or to attend an event. I have editorial control and retain full editorial integrity.(I have received a voucher in return for writing this post.)

Daddy’s hobby.

Daddy has a hobby.

Daddy likes to sleep.

Daddy is Olympic standard at sleeping.

Daddy could win a gold medal for sleeping.

Daddy says he never gets enough sleep.

Daddy gets grumpy when he doesn’t get his full quota.

Daddy manages to sleep through most things.

Daddy often comments on how good the ‘kids were in the night!!’

Daddy doesn’t realise that they woke up 35 times.

Daddy loves to ‘plan’ when he will have a lie in.

Daddy loves a plan.

Daddy is kind though and often offers for me to have a lie in.

Daddy sadly does not hear the kids when they wake, therefore the lie in is void.

Daddy therefore makes Mummy get rage and occasionally throw things.

Daddy makes Mummy act like a lunatic.

Daddy would say Mummy is just a lunatic.

Daddy sometimes falls asleep before the kids.

Daddy doesn’t realise this is not allowed in the ‘rules of parenting.’

Daddy doing this makes Mummy want to set the Frogbeaast on him. (the angry alter ego of our two year old.)

Daddy has the ability to sleep wherever he is at whatever time.

Daddy lOVES to do this on family holidays.

Daddy has a very bad reputation on family holidays.

Daddy will sneak off from wherever we are and will be found asleep somewhere like a tramp.

Daddy doing this makes Mummy send the kids (including the nieces) to jump on him.

Daddy will then get a slap round the chops if he tries this on our holiday.

Daddy is however an amazing Daddy but he just loves to sleep!












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